dear universe: i realize now that i need to be more specific about what i would like and need in a future partner. when i asked for someone passionate, intelligent, and sensitive i got unemployed and kind of gay. then i asked for a talented, amazing, hard worker and he’s married (unhappy marriages are still marriages, universe!!). i asked for employed, single, and childless and get an itinerant farm hand who lives in his car and has psychotic episodes. sigh.
clearly, i need to get REALLY specific.
so, here is my order. please kindly make available to me the love of my life and please let him be:
1) attractive to me, and find me attractive.
2) whole and sound in mind and body. a couple missing physical bits are ok so long as they’re not my favorite ones!! wink wink.
3) not just ok with being a man, but comfy that way.
5) good at fixing things.
6) understanding of my brain, my heart, and me in general.
7) passionate but chill.
8) employed with a job he loves and a steady, normal income. this means he does not live in his car or a garage or have more than two roommates, for example. just sayin’.
9) childless and wanting to have kids soon. because i am, i do, and i’m not getting any younger. i know this viewpoint isn’t any more popular than not wanting to date someone without a car or job, but guess what? i don’t want to get super attached to your kid and then lose them, it’s worse than losing you. trust me, i’ve done this before.
10) christian-ish but open minded about it and not really into church. i’d like to teach our kids about religion and take them to church now and then, but also that there are many belief systems out there, and they are all valid, and as long as they are good people and follow their conscience they will be ok.
11) somewhere i can find him! i don’t go out to bars or dancing anymore. i’m not online. online dating is poison and i really need him to somehow like… trojan horse his way into my heart, because i am scared of being hurt again and really comfortable in my single ways. they’re much less painful than the alternative, but i don’t want to be alone *forever*.